Below is an excerpt from my newest published book. “The Extraordinary Journey From a Wordly Love to a Godly Love”
You can purchase it on this site for $15
Enjoy this snippet:
Chapter 12 “We All Want To Be Heard”
“Wherefore my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. James 1:19)”
It is no coincidence that God created us with two ears and one mouth.
He already knew that we would have a mouthful of unnecessary stuff to say before he made our lips, tongues, and voice, especially us women! I believe this is one reason he gave James the instructions to give to the church about listening more than speaking. It was once said by someone that “when we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs.” I know that to be a fact because I was and, on some occasions, still guilty of that.
My husband tells me every so often that I do not listen when he is talking. I say to him, “Hun, I hear you.” But to be honest, I do multitask a lot when he is talking. I only do this because he takes so long to get his point across to me, and I feel like I can do so many other things while waiting on him to tell me what he is trying to say, and that bothers him a lot when I do that. So I had to take a good look at myself when I am trying to have a conversation with him, and I want his undivided attention. He does the total opposite to me.
He is so present in the moment when we conversare. One of his gifts is great relationship communication style is over the top with wanting effective communication in my eyes. But how selfish of me to want his attention and not willing to stop and allow him to get his point across, no matter how long it takes him. I just need to be available, mentally and physically, when he talks because that shows him that I think what he has to say is important. And he is important to me, but I need to show him this in that area of our relationship.
We all want to be heard when we talk. I want eye contact, and want that person to respond to my questions, so why should I nor give the same to my husband or anyone? He stresses to me so many times that I do not communicate with him well enough. I am sometimes clueless that he would think that of me. I said to him that my boss says I have excellent communication skills. He says that yes, I do have good communication skills at work opposed to home because it is a different kind of communication. He said that he has a different kind of communication at work also. So I thought about that for a moment, and I could not disagree at the least.
So what makes it different for us to communicate better in one area in our lives than in another? It is about what you value. When I realized that, I was embarrassed to learn that I did not value my relationship enough to effectively communicate with the person that I really loved.
So now, I see where all the confusion and conflict came from. It was from me. I had to own up to it. I just did not feel like I needed to take the time out to express small details because “I feel” that it was not necessary. But it was necessary if my husband needed that from me. If I told this man I would be there for him as he needed me to be as his wife, then I needed to be there verbally, be present, and to express to him the things I did not “feel” the need to be expressed.