The strange journey of loving someone while learning not to lose yourself.
There are relationships that make perfect sense.
Then there are relationships that leave you standing at the window, wondering if you’re waiting for a person…or waiting for Yahawah to reveal something.
This has been one of those relationships.
I’ve laughed.
I’ve cried.
I’ve prayed.
I’ve questioned my discernment.
I’ve wondered whether patience was producing endurance—or simply prolonging confusion.
There were days when conversation flowed effortlessly, and days when silence stretched so long that I questioned whether I mattered at all.
The strange thing is that every time I thought I understood where we stood, something would happen that left me unsure again.
I used to believe the greatest lesson in relationships was learning how to love another person.
Yahawah has been teaching me something much deeper.
He has been teaching me how to love Him enough that my peace is no longer dependent upon another person’s consistency.
That has not been easy.
There have been moments when I wanted explanations.
Moments when I wanted reassurance.
Moments when I wanted someone else’s actions to quiet my anxious thoughts.
Instead, Yahawah kept whispering,
“Stay with Me.”
As I reflected on this journey, one verse settled deeply into my spirit:
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”
— Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)
Peace does not come because every text message is answered.
Peace does not come because every phone call arrives on time.
Peace comes when my heart remains anchored in Yahawah, even while my circumstances leave unanswered questions.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that love and uncertainty should not become permanent roommates.
A relationship doesn’t have to be loud to be unhealthy.
Sometimes confusion is the loudest voice in the room.
When communication becomes inconsistent…
When your heart spends more time interpreting silence than enjoying connection…
When you know more about someone’s explanations than their intentions…
It’s worth pausing—not to condemn them, but to honestly ask what Yahawah may be revealing.
Another passage has become a guide for my own heart:
“If thou wouldest get a friend, prove him first and be not hasty to credit him.”
— Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 6:7 (KJV Apocrypha)
That scripture doesn’t encourage suspicion.
It encourages wisdom.
Time has a way of revealing what emotions often hide.
This journey has forced me to look in the mirror.
Why do I wait?
Why do I explain away things that trouble my spirit?
Why do I keep hoping tomorrow will reveal what today’s pattern has not?
These aren’t easy questions.
But they are holy ones.
Because they have less to do with another person’s character than they do with my own growth.
I don’t know where this relationship will end.
Maybe it will flourish.
Maybe it will fade.
But one thing has already changed forever.
I no longer measure my worth by the frequency of a phone call.
I no longer believe that love requires me to surrender my peace.
And I no longer think unanswered questions must immediately be answered.
Sometimes Yahawah answers by allowing patterns to continue until our eyes are finally willing to see them.
If you’re reading this and you’re walking through your own season of uncertainty, I encourage you to trust Yahawah more than your emotions and to observe patterns more than promises.
He is never confused.
He is never absent.
And He is always working for the good of those who seek Him.
🌿 Reflection
Where has Yahawah been asking you to trust Him instead of demanding immediate answers?
Sit quietly with Him this week.
You may discover that while you’ve been waiting on someone else, Yahawah has been patiently transforming you.
“Yahawah wasn’t only revealing the condition of the relationship. He was revealing the condition of my heart.”
From the Heart of FaYah 🤎
